Still sleepless...

IMG_0687.JPG

I can’t believe it’s been TEN years since I started this blog. Ten years ago I named it “Sleepless in Atlanta” because it very often depicted my state of being (and yes, I love me a good chick flick). A single girl in the city, ever the night owl, a restless dreamer with something always keeping me up at night…usually some hair brained craft idea or project. Not much has changed, except everything has changed. 

And now ten years later I still find myself sleepless, but for different reasons. The late nights have turned into early mornings (coffee, please) with everything that comes with being a wife and a full time working mama of a one year old. Oh yeah, and one who decided to leave the best job ever and start her own company…while navigating all that comes with a wild and crazy toddler. What was I thinking?! 

I was thinking I’ve heard the audible voice of God before nudging me to step out of my comfort zone and blindly trust him in a big fat unknown, and it resulted in some of the biggest blessings in my life. All because I took a risk and said yes. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past fifteen years it’s that when God speaks, I should probably listen…but only if I’m up for the adventure of my life.

Now, instead of sleepless nights filled with dreams and ideas and projects and wondering if I was ever going to meet my soulmate, or would I die an old maid still watching reruns of Friends all alone…they’re filled with dreams and ideas and projects and to-do lists and grocery lists and constant fears of what I would do if something ever happened to my husband or child, and ponderings of how to send my son off to college as a fully functioning member of society with the least amount of professional counseling needed for all the ways we might royally screw him up over the next 17 years, and how my heart aches for all the babies all over the world that have no one to cuddle them tonight, and worries about what happens if my business fails and…well, you get the point.

But over the years, I’ve come to appreciate my restless mind. In that late night silence when my family is asleep, sometimes it’s the only chance in the day that a busy, working wife and mom gets to have a moment alone with her own thoughts. And I’ve learned that more often than not, those thoughts that are keeping me up at night are the very things that God is just waiting to be invited into…my biggest dreams, my biggest fears and the things that break my heart. 

So rather than curse a busy mind that won’t shut down as I watch the clock tick by, knowing that whether I’ve slept or not, my toddler-alarm clock will bolt up out of the crib at 7 a.m. sharp, I welcome those sleepless nights…because it’s often there that God reveals the hopes and fears he wants me to pay attention to: those things that he’s inviting me to bring to him, even if it’s in the middle of the night.

So, what is it thats keeping you up at night right now?