Life Lessons

Still sleepless...

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I can’t believe it’s been TEN years since I started this blog. Ten years ago I named it “Sleepless in Atlanta” because it very often depicted my state of being (and yes, I love me a good chick flick). A single girl in the city, ever the night owl, a restless dreamer with something always keeping me up at night…usually some hair brained craft idea or project. Not much has changed, except everything has changed. 

And now ten years later I still find myself sleepless, but for different reasons. The late nights have turned into early mornings (coffee, please) with everything that comes with being a wife and a full time working mama of a one year old. Oh yeah, and one who decided to leave the best job ever and start her own company…while navigating all that comes with a wild and crazy toddler. What was I thinking?! 

I was thinking I’ve heard the audible voice of God before nudging me to step out of my comfort zone and blindly trust him in a big fat unknown, and it resulted in some of the biggest blessings in my life. All because I took a risk and said yes. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past fifteen years it’s that when God speaks, I should probably listen…but only if I’m up for the adventure of my life.

Now, instead of sleepless nights filled with dreams and ideas and projects and wondering if I was ever going to meet my soulmate, or would I die an old maid still watching reruns of Friends all alone…they’re filled with dreams and ideas and projects and to-do lists and grocery lists and constant fears of what I would do if something ever happened to my husband or child, and ponderings of how to send my son off to college as a fully functioning member of society with the least amount of professional counseling needed for all the ways we might royally screw him up over the next 17 years, and how my heart aches for all the babies all over the world that have no one to cuddle them tonight, and worries about what happens if my business fails and…well, you get the point.

But over the years, I’ve come to appreciate my restless mind. In that late night silence when my family is asleep, sometimes it’s the only chance in the day that a busy, working wife and mom gets to have a moment alone with her own thoughts. And I’ve learned that more often than not, those thoughts that are keeping me up at night are the very things that God is just waiting to be invited into…my biggest dreams, my biggest fears and the things that break my heart. 

So rather than curse a busy mind that won’t shut down as I watch the clock tick by, knowing that whether I’ve slept or not, my toddler-alarm clock will bolt up out of the crib at 7 a.m. sharp, I welcome those sleepless nights…because it’s often there that God reveals the hopes and fears he wants me to pay attention to: those things that he’s inviting me to bring to him, even if it’s in the middle of the night.

So, what is it thats keeping you up at night right now?

30 Days of 30: Day 13 - Thumbprints

So clearly I took a mini-hiatus from writing for a few days...sorry about that friends - weekend work retreat calls. But admittedly, it was nice to take a few involuntary days away from connection to any technology.

However I have found a way to catch up for the lost 6 days, and also cover 6 (ok maybe 7) very important people I am thankful for...

Sue Bates

 

Misty Paige

 

Elizabeth Pehrson

 

Heather Pierpont

 

Patti Brussat (far left) 

 

Sharon Turner & Lisa Toomey

 

Who are these women?

They all, at some point in the past few years, have mentored me. They are women who have given of their time and their hearts to pour into my life, to offer wisdom and encouragement. They are women who are a little ahead of me on the path, but who are willing to show me what they've learned along the way. 

They've laughed with me

cried with me

listened to me

encouraged me

challenged me

guided me

prayed for me

inspired me

And most importantly, they loved me...right where I was at.

But they've also loved me enough to not let me stay there.

They've helped me understand more of the woman I am and the woman I want to be. They've held a mirror to my face and helped shine a light on my path, and for that I am forever grateful.

They have inspired me to do the same thing...to invest in the next generation. To pass along unique insights and lessons that the Lord is teaching me along the way...maybe even helping to keep some young girl from making some of the same silly mistakes I made. But inevitably, helping to encourage and raise up a generation of women who seek Jesus, who seek wisdom, and who seek to continue to pass it along to the generation that follows them.

These women are a monumental part of my story and have forever left their thumbprints all over my life.

So here's my challenge for you today:

On whose life are you making an impact?

"Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction."

     -John Crosby

Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 6 - The Handbook to Understanding Women

Men, I have a secret tip for you...

Do you want to finally understand women?

Do you want to know how they're wired, how they think and most importantly, what they want?

 

Well fellas, fear no more...I am here today to tell you that there are only two "handbooks" that you need in your pursuit to understanding the hearts of women: The Taylor Swift music collection and the book,

Captivating

.

Now after you quit laughing, and before you give up on reading this post, hear me out. Do you know why just about every girl loves a good Taylor Swift song (whether she admits it or not)? Because inside, we're all really still just a 15 year old girl at heart. And because she's not singing anything we're not already thinking...she's just bold enough to say it out loud. But if you can't deal with the chick music, don't lose hope...you still have the other book, which is what I am really dedicating this post to. :)

I am a self-proclaimed book nerd, and writing is my outlet...so there are numerous books that have played a crucial role in my personal growth. One of those books, hands down, is

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge

. It's a book that eloquently encapsulates the desires that lie deep within every woman's heart...the desire "to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty."

 

Just as every man has certain desires that make him come alive, these three elements are the core desires that make a woman come alive. Most of us women already know that. However, the beauty of this book is the fact that it so perfectly depicts all of the things women are feeling...the hopes, but also the fears. The good, the bad and the ugly parts of who we are and how we are wired. A lot like Taylor, it puts words to countless thoughts and feelings that many women are afraid to say out loud.

It's confirmation that we're not alone. 

And to a woman, that's priceless. To me, it was not only affirmation, but a great reminder of how we're uniquely wired to reflect God within our femininity. And that, is true beauty.

Because whether we're willing to admit it or not every woman, at the core of her being, simply wants to know that she's needed. That' she's worthy. That when it comes to love, yes there are risks....but that she's worth the risk.

She's worth the fight.

She's Captivating.

"

Just like God, a woman is not a problem to be solved, but a vast wonder to be enjoyed...As she is sought after, she reveals more of her beauty. As she unveils her beauty, she draws us to know her more deeply. Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God.

"

     -From Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge

Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 5 - Check Please!

"Map out your future, but do it in pencil."
                                                 -Bon Jovi

I'm a planner.

It's how God has wired me. I LOVE the idea of dreaming up and mapping out an entire plan, then seeing it come to fruition. Whether it be a party, a trip, an event, a goal...I thrive on taking a big picture, breaking it down into a feasible strategy and then making it happen. In fact, if you add up the money i've spent in my lifetime on planners, calendars and notebooks for to-do lists, well you just might be able to hire a personal assistant to track all that for me.

I also make lists. Lots of lists. I sometimes even put things on my lists that i've already done just so I can check them off and feel like i've accomplished more in the day (yes, I know they have support groups for that kind of thing...just call it the overachiever in me).


But even within my well thought out and highly anticipated plans, i've somehow always carried within me the capacity to go with the flow when things change at the last minute. I normally don't mind a little shift on the fly...it rarely, if ever, stresses me out or makes me mad. I'm an easy-going type of gal who can usually roll with the punches in a patient and placid demeanor.

...except when God starts messing with my plans.

Oops.

Can we say hypocrite, party of one?

How in the world is it that I can be patient and flexible with everything and everyone around me except for the God who gave all of it to me in the first place? It's simple...I put my big God in a little bitty box without even realizing it.

In my late teens and early 20's I made a plan for my life. And in my mind, it was a good plan. It was what I thought I wanted...so of course that had to be what God wanted for me right? So I mapped out my dreams and goals and then set out guns a blazin' on my trail to follow my perfect plan. And what happened?

My plan failed. Miserably.

I found myself completely broken, attempting to pick up the pieces of what was left of my shattered dreams, all the while looking back and wondering what the heck I did wrong? I loved Jesus, I went to church, I talked to Him daily, I tried to be the best person I knew how to be...why didn't my plan work?

And then the light bulb went off...

In a moment of painful desperation I cried out to God asking why He took my perfectly good plan away from me...and it was as if I heard Him whisper "because it was never MY plan for you."

Ouch.

I finally grasped that all along, even though it was, in my mind, a good plan...it was just that. MINE. I went along my life doing my own thing, charting my own path all the while kind of asking God to just "check off" on my plan as somewhat of an afterthought. When in reality, I should have been doing it the other way around all along. I should have leaned into the desires of my heart, and then earnestly taken them to God, surrendering them to Him while patiently waiting for His direction and confirmation.

I learned (the hard way) that it's ok to make a plan for my life. It's ok to dream and to lean into those God-given desires of my heart...but I need to be willing to loosen my grip and fully surrender those desires to God, and more importantly, I need to desire HIS plan over mine - no matter what it looks like. And when I begin to get anxious or impatient, I need to remind myself to trust that He knows what's best for me...afterall, He can see much more of the big picture than I will ever be able to.

Do you know what I've realized in doing that? I'm not nearly as creative as I thought I was because my life since then is living proof that God has WAY bigger and cooler dreams for me than I ever had.

...and I'm totally ok with that. :)



Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 4 - ForGIVEness


 “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that 
the prisoner was you.”
      -Lewis B. Smedes

Close your eyes with me for a moment and reflect. (ok, maybe wait until after you read this paragraph first, otherwise this exercise is going to be exceedingly difficult to do) I want you to think of someone who has hurt you. I'm not talking about the kid in middle school who called you (and everyone else) brace face, I'm talking about someone who has truly, in every sense of the word, wounded you.

Maybe they lied to you.
Maybe they betrayed you.
Maybe they left you.

But in some form or fashion their actions, in your mind, justified a need for remorse. They've committed an act against you that warrants rectification. There is something that at some point, you feel they have owed you. There is a debt that needs to be paid.

Is your blood boiling yet? Take a deep breath and bear with me.

The irony of this situation is that in this scenario, unless you are willing to fully forgive that person (with or without an apology) YOU are the one enslaved to the offender. YOU are the one that will lie awake at night rehashing the situation, thinking through what you really want to say, if you had the opportunity to set them straight. And guess what? Odds are that they aren't losing any sleep over it. Guess what else? If just thinking about this person and this scenario is causing your blood pressure to even slightly rise, you're nowhere near close to truly forgiving them, no matter how much you think you've let go of what happened.

You see, the easy part is forgiving someone who is genuinely sorry. Someone who acknowledges the error in their ways and begs you for forgiveness. The problematic situation is forgiving someone who is not. Someone who either isn't willing to accept responsibility for their actions, or thinks they weren't in the wrong to begin with. How do you go about forgiving them? Do you forgive them? Is that even possible?

Learning this principle was a major game changer for me...so don't miss this:

There is FREEDOM in unconditional FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness that is not earned.
Forgiveness that is not solicited.
Forgiveness that is not, in some cases, seemingly necessary.

If you look at the context of "forgiveness" you will see a very crucial word hidden within the text: give. I don't think that's a coincidence. True, unconditional forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a choice we make. It's a gift we have the opportunity to give...on behalf of the One who gave His life for our ultimate forgiveness.

Hidden within the confines of unmerited forgiveness are the offerings of grace, love and truth.

Grace says I will bless you even though you don't necessarily deserve it.
     "...and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."   -Romans 3:24

Love says I accept you right where you are.
     "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself."  -Leviticus 19:18

Truth
says I will continue to point you back to Jesus in all I do.
     "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ."  -Ephesians 4:15


So how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone?

For me, it was when I was able to sit down to pray for that person who hurt me...to genuinely pray for God to bless them and to know that I really meant it. It didn't happen over night. It wasn't easy all the time. But it was a daily (sometimes hourly) choice to cancel the "debt" I felt was owed to me, and to believe that God has much bigger things in this world for me to carry for Him than a grudge.

Who do you need to truly forgive today
?


Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 3 - My Golden Ticket

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
          -Neale Donald Walsch



I love the airport. I love the whole process of packing a suitcase, going through the ticket line, sitting at the gate and people watching. Taking off on an adventure somewhere outside of your normal 9 to 5 daily grind. Exploring new cities and discovering new places.

But until about 5 years ago, I only enjoyed doing this within the continental United States.

Why?

Because it was predictable. Because it was "safe." Because it was comfortable.

When I was younger I made a list of places around the world I would like to see one day. But I never thought much of it because in my mind there were so many variables that were out of my control once I left the comfort of my home country.  In fact, I used to always say that I never felt "called" to go on a mission trip. I fully supported missions and those who ventured out, but that just wasn't what God was telling me to do.

But it just wasn't true.

The reality was that I had felt a gentle nudge from God for a few years about taking a trip...but I chose, for a long time, to ignore it. And then one day, after watching a video in church about several teams who had just come back from trips all around the world, something clicked. I knew it was time to stretch myself and take a step out of my little box.

It was time to apply for my passport.

And when it arrived at my home, two days before my first mission trip, it might as well have been Willy Wonka himself standing at my door with the Golden Ticket. It was beautiful. It's fresh, blank pages just waiting to be stamped with remnants of adventures of a lifetime. It was my ticket to a new perspective. My chance to see the world through the eyes of someone else...to paint the picture of other cultures the way no book could ever do.

It was my opportunity to experience God in a whole new light. To stand with people in another country who are thousands of miles from me, who speak another language, but yet to worship the same great God is absolutely humbling and astounding.  And to carry those friendships with me wherever I go, just makes this great big world that much smaller.

My passport is not just my ticket to adventure...it's my invitation to serve God in a way I could never serve Him at home in my comfort zone. It's my opportunity to shift my perspective of my reality I've created for myself in my own little corner of the world.

It's my little reminder of just how small we are and how infinitely big He is.




Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 2-The Gift of Grace

"When we are on the receiving end, grace is refreshing. When it is required of us, it is often disturbing. But when correctly applied, it seems to solve just about everything."
     -From The Grace of God by Andy Stanley


Let me take you back to English 101 for a moment. Remember when you used to have to read a book or short story, and then pick out the underlying themes of said story? Well, if you were to look at the story of my life one of the major underlying themes would undeniably be the concept of grace...

...beautiful, tender, unsettling, all-encompassing grace.

Grace is the gift that can often only be truly valued, understood and given away in the midst of trials, brokenness and pain. But in the center of those dark times grace is the beacon of light. The reminder that we are loved by our creator in ways we will never be able to fathom this side of heaven.

In my journey of learning to give and receive grace, I've come to one conclusion: I always want to be known for extending too much grace rather than not enough. Otherwise I'm no less selfish than one who hoards their riches. I always want to be as generous in giving grace as the one who gave it to me.

Here's an excerpt from a blog post I wrote a few years back about the gift of grace - even in the small things...

[Blogpost from 2007]
Today I am thankful for grace.

I love it when God shows up in the smallest and strangest places to remind us of the most important things. Back in the spring, I had found my heart wrestling with acceptance. I know that my identity is firmly and deeply rooted in Christ's love for me, but every now and then the enemy tries to taunt me with self-condemnation. Even though I know that Jesus has fully forgiven me for my past sins, I find myself occasionally struggling with receiving that forgiveness. Consequently when this happens, the enemy will use that as a tool to make me feel broken - telling me that noone will ever want to love someone who has made such prodigiously unwise decisions as I have in the past.

Fast forward to Memorial Day weekend. I spent 4 fun-filled days at the beach with about 25 of my closest friends. On the way home we stopped for our traditional breakfast at Cracker Barrel. The wait to seat our group was about an hour, so we proceeded to wander aimlessly through the cute little country store in the front of the restaurant playing with toys, smelling all the candles, and basically just goofing off to kill the time.

At one point, I stood at a table full of useless knick-knack toys. I picked up this cute little wooden bird, which would balance on your finger like a perch. I placed it on my finger and jokingly showed my new pet to my friend Jessica, who was standing nearby. As I laughed and turned to put it back, it fell from my finger, breaking into three pieces. i instantly felt like that kid in the glass store who just knocked over a set of dishes. I picked it up and immediately started towards the cash register, prepared to pay for my blunder. However as soon as I stood up, one of the Cracker Barrel greeters stood directly in front of me, smiling with her hand outstretched in my direction. Apparently she had witnessed the whole thing. I apologized profusely and told her that I would immediately pay for my fault. She just smiled at me (visibly missing quite a few teeth), took the bird out of my hand and said "honey, if I made you pay for that i'd have to make every single child that comes in here and breaks something pay for theirs too...it's ok." And with that, she walked off to put it in the back room.

As she walked away, I felt so sheepish. Even though she told me it was fine, I couldn't help but feel guilty for being so careless and silly. And then I noticed something. As she walked back out of the storeroom, I noticed the name that was embroidered on her apron.

Her name was Grace.

I was overcome with emotion - I stood there and just teared up right in the middle of a restaurant, right in front of all my friends. And in that moment, I felt God whispering to me. I knew that I was the "bird," broken...but still forgiven. I got it. It amazed me to see how God could use some petty experience in a restaurant to calm my heart over what I had been fighting. I resisted the urge to go and hug the nice lady, for fear that she might think I was nuts - she had no idea how God just used her in my life in such a big way.

As we drove home, I just kept thanking God over and over for using something so small to remind me of something so big - that He extends us ALL grace so that we may freely receive it and live fully redeemed in His power of forgiveness. No, we don't deserve it, but He loves us so much that He gives it to us regardless. And I thanked Him for allowing me to hear his whisper, even in the middle of a busy restaurant lobby.

What are you thankful for today?



Jamie

30 Days of 30

Last year was a big year for me. 

Entering into a whole new decade was exciting, depressing, promising and terrifying all at the same time. (How is that even possible? Just reading that sentence makes me feel a little bit like that girl. You know, the moody one that is hidden down in the depths of each and every God-fearing, Midol-popping, chocolate-eating woman? Yeah, that one.) But so far, 30 has been good to me.

Challenging..but good. Real good.

I've embraced and rather appreciated the fact that my life currently looks nothing like I thought it would by now. I feel less in control than I ever have, yet each day I grow more and more amenable to the unpredictable path that God has been laying out for me instead. I'm not saying it's easier to follow His path, in fact, the control freak in me tries to make a calculated escape from time to time. But if there's anything that i've learned over the past 10 years, it's that His path is definitely much more fruitful, edifying and stretching. And I like that. I've begun to crave that.

So, as the control freak...er, I mean planner in me looked at the calendar this week, I realized that as of tomorrow, I have exactly 30 days left before I have my first full year in my 30's under my belt.

Wow, how did that happen so fast?

Remember the days when we used to count down until our next birthday? We couldn't wait to get older? In fact, I remember proudly proclaiming that I was ten AND A HALF, or twelve AND A HALF....because it meant that I was that much closer to being a teenager. Let me tell you, those days are long gone. In fact, if you ask me how old I am now, or if you ask me how old I am in 3 years, chances are you just might get the same number...as long as I can get away with it. :)

But I digress...

A friend asked me the other day how I was planning on celebrating my birthday this year, and the more I thought about it, I kind of had to laugh. I think at this point in my life, I have begun to find the idea of making a big deal about me on my birthday kind of odd.... I mean heck, all I did that day was show up. My mom and dad (well mostly mom) did the hard work. (we'll give the doc some credit too)

So this year, I'm not going to celebrate me.

I'm going to celebrate that which has really made me, well....me.
The things/people/places/events/life lessons that have shaped who I am and have led me to the place I am today.  I am grateful for another day to be alive, and I am also grateful for the path that has allowed me to have another birthday. Beginning tomorrow, for the next 30 days, I will post about one of these said "game changers" for me each day as a way to both reflect on where God has brought me to this point, and to say thank you to those who have helped keep me alive and out of jail all these years. :)

Because too often we count our troubles more than our blessings...and I never want to lose sight of the fact that I have been abundantly (albeit undeservingly) blessed beyond measure thus far.

Jamie